The amazing shrinking Wifey!

I have decided that if I am going to try to have a baby then I need to lose weight. I pretty much completely changed my eating habits last week and in the process lost three pounds. Woo! I still have one Dr. Pepper a day, but I'll ween myself off it. Dr. Pepper is kind of my vice, but I will overcome temptation! I started eating several times a day and mostly eating fruits and vegetables. Saturday is my only free day and that means that one day a week I can drink beer, eat ice cream, hamburgers, you name it. I don't binge or anything, but I am definitely not logging it into my food diary.

Oh yeah, I started one of those today. I think it will help keep me on track so if I do fall off the wagon I can write it down and figure out why I slipped.

Speaking of slipping, I'm off to Benihana. White rice? Yes please!

Get your hair 'did.

This morning I went over to my BFF's house to watch her kids while she went for a run. She wanted me to take some pictures of her for her Myspace. At least, that's what I told her they were for - I'm actually creating a profile for her on a dating site. She just filed for divorce, and she's been separated since December. She had been talking to one of her guy friends and she ended up falling in love with him. She finally told him how she felt and the feeling wasn't mutual. She's upset, of course, and I know she'll dwell on it until she finds someone else to talk to. That's where I come in. I'm not telling her that I'm doing this until, well, I haven't figured out how I'll tell her yet. If she gets any messages from guys that I find acceptable I'll just have to set up "accidental" meetings so she won't suspect anything.

Is that wrong? I love her and I hate lying to her. I also hate seeing her be so upset over this guy. he's really not worth it, but it doesn't matter how I feel about him. I just want her to be happy. Anyway, back to taking pictures.

So I did her hair and makeup and she looked HOT. Not only did I rock it, but I really enjoyed it, too. Maybe that's my calling. I didn't like putting her mascara on her - I thought I was going to poke her in the eye. Everything else was a lot of fun. Maybe I should get a part time job at a beauty counter at the mall. Hmmm.... maybe not. While that does sound like more fun than my current job I can't imagine there's much money in it.

Tonight is going to rock! BFF found someone to watch her kids so BFF, Hoobs, and I are going to the movies and then to the bar! It's fun to spend time with grownups. And although I can't wait to have kids I know that I'll be chucking them at grandma and grandpa when Hoobs and I want to go out.

The domestic demoness.

I have cooked for the past two nights. I don't mean that pre-cooked freeze-dried shit in a box. Like actually cooked. I'm a little surprised, and I think Hoobs is, too. In a good way.

On the topic of making baby, I have lost two pounds (yay!) and I'm eating much healthier this week. We're also having more sex. I'm making an effort to not be so tired in the evening when we usually go to bed. I still haven't set a smoking quit date. I know it's important but I don't want to fail this time. I need to remember to take my prenatal vitamin too. I keep forgetting bceause, well, I have the worst memory.

My weekend has started so I just need to figure out what the hell I'm going to do with my time.

The first one.

First off let me say that I never wanted kids. Growing up I never babysat (my sister did it bceause she loved kids). I would practically leap out of the way if a small child was about to touch me by accident. Kids are dirty and slimy and smelly and needy. I'm number one in my life. At least, I was. Then I met Jacob.

That bastard. The more I thought about it the more I realized that I never wanted to have children because I assumed that I would never find someone to have children with. It wasn't because I had low self esteem or because I'm too picky. I'm neither. I thought that I was hot shit, but I never dated anyone that deep down I felt was someone I wanted to have kids with. That all changed two and a half years ago when I met my husband Jacob. We've been married for a little over a year and have been trying since September. I was on Depo for three months which is one dosage, one injection. After that I was on Loestrin (the pill) for three months. Before that I wasn't consistently on birth control. Anyway, it's been nine months and nothing has happened.

The reality is that I'm probably not ovulating yet which is retarded. My body is frustrating the crap out of me. What's worse is that I am stressed out about not getting pregnant and eating to make myself feel better. Let's see here.... Stress can delay pregnancy, and oh yeah, so can being fat. I also smoke. Not heavily. Nowhere near a pack a day. Still, it's gross and not helping my cause.

I started eating more consciously and spending more time outside getting some exercise. It is usually pretty relaxing. My job is probably a big reason I feel stressed. I don't want to get into it, but I really dislike my job. I just got promoted and have been given way more responsibility than I care to have along with the fact that I hate working for a big faceless corporation. Neither here nor there. Moving on....

I want to make a baby. I'm depressed because I've gained weight and don't feel very sexy these days which means I'm not having sex very often. You kind of have to have sex in order to get pregnant the natural way. I'm sure that my husband is bummed about the lack of sex. I know I want to have more, but I feel so unattractive these days.

Tomorrow is a new day, right? I need to quit smoking which means I need to pick a day to stop and actually stop this time. I've tried to quit several times because I know it isn't good for me or for the baby that will someday live inside of me.

This is kind of heavy for a first blog. Whatev.